Running

So don't read this title and think "What?!? Brandy has started running?" Absolutely not. My knees wouldn't take it. But I have learned that the figurative phrase "running around" is actually more than some make it out to be.

Sometimes I like to think that I'm super-mom. The one who can do anything, fix anything, cook anything, and make everything special. Alas, I am not super-mom. Yes I have had my glory moments, I have also spent a good bit of time crying and begging God to make it easier. I've said before that I feel like being a mom is a huge sacrifice. I honestly believe that, but I also am blessed by my life. It isn't always easy, well, mostly never easy.

Y'all know how it is. Just the other day I took a girlfriend (newlywed and childless) of mine to the zoo with my two hell raisers. Our estimated time of departure was 10:30, I made it to her apartment by 11:15. We did the polar bear half of the zoo and went back out to the car to have our picnic lunch. Lunch only took about an hour to eat. And while she sat quietly and ate her lunch, I fussed and fought with my two girls and managed to cram a picked over sandwich and some strawberries down before it was time to go. The original plan was to return to the zoo, but after all of that I was exhausted. We decided to go to Old Navy to use our 5$ off coupons. I don't know if she'll ever go with me and the girls anywhere again. I never understand my friends that take their children shopping. Mine are terrible! They whine, cry, scream and somehow manage to pull a whole rack of clothes to the ground. I felt bad for my friend who was at our mercy. I could tell by the end of the day, she was ready to escape. So if my childless friends are exhausted from 5 hours of quality time with my children, why don't I get to be?

It seems like a mother is just expected to be exhausted, to be stressed, to be running around insane with 50 things to do and enough time to complete 2. I'm tired of running. No more running. This is my mantra every evening when around midnight I collapse into bed. Only to lay there eyes wide open, thoughts of all of tomorrow's tasks.
I've figured it up. I have 14 hours of the day to myself. Typically I try to stick to the rule of 5 around here. 5 hours of awake time before I make them nap and 5 hours from the time they wake up 'till they go to bed for the night. so really that's only 10 hours of the day that I have to be a mommy. The rest of the 14 hours could be spent wisely. Maybe if I made out a schedule, I could get it all done. You know, sweep the floors, mop the kitchen, rotate the toys, change the bed linens, do all the laundry, iron, do the dishes, clean out the fridge, organize the garage, scrub the tubs and toilets, rotate the girls clothes, shop for clothes, dust, vacuum, make 3 meals a day, garden, shower, get dressed, keep up a side business, make myself presentable, lose weight, study the Bible, catch up with friends, serve others, and get a good night's rest. Now I'm sure I've left stuff out. But if I did all that, I would spend about 30minutes on each task, including sleep.
I often argue with my spouse about how much a stay at home mom would actually get paid if you broke it down. Check this article out that says the figure is $122,172. ( http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/what-is-a-mothers-work-really-worth-456608/ )

But really, recognition and money aren't the point- although wouldn't the above figure solve a lot of issues in this house. I just want to know what's important. What do I do first? Do I spend all of the 10 hours with my children? Loving them and playing with them and feeding them and teaching them. Or do I break it up? Or do I give them my undivided attention for half of the day and work on the rest of the stuff (see the long list above) after nap time. Whatever it is, I find it difficult to strike a true balance. I find it difficult to fully complete one of those tasks in an efficient manner.
I do allow myself some downtime. My house is far from perfect (I should be cleaning instead of writing this.) My garden needs to be weeded, I need to do several loads of laundry and my bathroom rarely gets a thorough cleaning. I go out with friends some and I do get a babysitter to come when I really just have too much to do. But I wish in the mean time, I could find some peace. I wish I could be the mom who let everything go. Who only took one thing at a time, who never let the dishes, or the bills, or the yard hold her up from enjoying her babies. I pray for patience with myself. I pray for peace in this tumultuous environment. I pray for the understanding of what it means to embrace these gifts that my girls are.
I pray for these things and for you.

Ephesians 6:13 (The Message)
13-18Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.

Mother Lover

Ok so I got the title from a text I received today from a dear friend of mine, but I thought it was cute, so I'm claiming it.

On this so special of days I must of course tell you about my mother.

Paula is a rare breed. She is the mother of 3 and wife to a serious crazy man. Unfortunately for her, her children couldn't be more different (see the earlier post concerning Lydia.)

In 1991, my mother buried her youngest daughter, Hannah Rae, after a 3 year battle with Leukemia. I can't begin to describe how she was those 3 years. I can only say she was amazing and Hannah was the luckiest to be born to my mother. After Hannah died and a couple of years passed, my mother went back to school. Actually she never really went to college after her High School graduation. She married at 17 and she graduated with a class she'd never known because she and my dad moved shortly after their wedding. So when I was 14 and embarking on my new experiences in a new private school, she was taking the plunge of academics also. She was brilliant. The best grades, president of the Nurses' Association at Northwest Community. She received a scholarship to travel to London to study oncology nursing. She went to work after graduation and hasn't stopped since. She's worked every nursing job you can think of. She's been a nurse on the cardiovascular intensive care floor (the place you go after your triple bypass). She's been a home health care nurse. She's instructed CPR, worked as a shot nurse. And now for the past few years, she has administered chemotherapy to cancer patients. She is an amazing nurse.

As my friend, one of my best, she is fun. We laugh, too much. We yell, a lot. We cry, sometimes. But most of all, we just spend time together.

When I heard stories of mine and my sisters' births, she described her mother-in-law as the Mother Teresa of baby nurses. My grandmother would clean and cook and never hog the baby. Always my mother would tell me this. And mother would always say "When you have your babies, I will do the same for you." When Remle was born, I was having much difficulty trying to get her to breastfeed. Since my mom had breastfed all 3 of us, she had to be an expert, right? I can't tell you how many times my mother sat by my side and grabbed my boob and shoved Remle's head at a neck-breaking angle. It never worked, I cried and came close to violence a few times. The first few weeks of Remle's life I didn't hold her much. The baby pretty much spent her "mommy bonding" time with her "Lolly." I was mad then, and amused now. When Daily was born, she was in the NICU for the first week, so when I brought her home, I was alone. Remle was in daycare and I decided that I would be fine with just me and Daily. But I asked my mom to take off of work on the 1st week that Remle would be home with me full time. So she did. She also managed to get a stomach virus. So not only did I breastfeed a 3 week old baby and take care of a 14 month old, but I also nursed my sick mother back to health. I was exhausted and at my wits-end then, now I laugh in memory.

My mother is a hard worker. Her garden is a thing to behold. She works hard for her family. Always remembering our favorite things to eat. Making 4 different desserts and 3 different types of potatoes at Christmas. She remembers the little things. She has taught me how to celebrate even the smallest events. To make each birthday, Valentine's Day, Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Fourth of July and so on a special time. I learned how short life can be and my mother treasures each moment. She truly understands the sweetness of life.

My mother is a "Lolly" she always has a smile for my babies. She always has more love to give. She always seems to know exactly what they want. My girls love her and can never get enough.

My mother is a great daughter. Travelling 8 hours to get her mother after an ice storm left her without power. Making the same drive to take her to a doctor's appointment. Thinking of the smallest things and hoping to make her own mother feel special.

There are a million stories I could tell you about my mother. You would laugh and cry and beg for more. For me, she is a constant source of frustration and humor. I love her.

My true hope is that I have learned how to be so giving and loving and fun. I need more fun in my life, and my mother is always willing to give it.