My friend and I (she shall remain nameless as to not incriminate her, but you know who you are) have a bit of a joke that skinny moms with it all together have ugly children. And while this isn't really true (since I have plenty of skinny friends with beautiful children) it sort of makes me feel better when I think this. It's cruel I know, because really all babies are precious and beautiful in their own way. But, it's a guilty pleasure and just a bit of an inside joke between two best friends that aren't skinny and have messy houses but most certainly have beautiful babies.
So that's my confession. I know it's strange to confess this, because in reality, everyone has this guilty pleasure. You may be skinny and rich but look at other women and think it would be nice to say what's on your mind so you make up something in your head to justify them having something you don't. You may have it all together, but feel a little trapped by your "obsessive compulsive" needs to have everything in its place. And you may be like me, everything is out of control and you feel overwhelmed by the peer pressure to get your crap together.
In my house, we have very little organization. It's a complicated balance of laundry, dishes, toys, books and general chaos. I have tried, believe me, I have tried to be organized. I really do hate that I don't have it all together. It is just against my nature to put things in place and to have a schedule. I have a lot of strong points, but labeling, categorizing, and structuring things are not among them. I feel the unspoken competition among my friends to join the club and have a clean house.
I go to one of my closest friend's houses and seriously nothing is out of place. The bathrooms are always clean, the carpet is always vacuumed and she has a bigger house, a nicer car and a better body than I do to boot. I leave feeling pretty low sometimes. But I know her well, and know that she doesn't keep her house this way just to make herself look superior. I know that it is just in her personality to keep things in order. I also know that while she has these strengths, she also has weaknesses. And while I don't see them on a consistent basis (she is my dear friend, I look and see the best in her because that's what friends do, see earlier post) I know she has them. I know because no one is perfect. I know because she tells me about them. I know because while she does seem to have it all together, she also has beautiful children.
So, I'm going to be myself. My messy, unorganized, crazy self. Will I freak out from time to time that DHS could shut me down any minute? Yes. Will I lose it on my children and husband to help me get this place in somewhat of respectable nature? Most definitely. But what I am going to strive to do is the laundry and the dishes and the other menial tasks that make up my day as best I know how. I will also read the huge ever growing stack of books. Step over the pile of towels on the floor. Ignore the several layers of dried toothpaste in the girls' bathroom. And most of all, embrace my inner self, invite my friends over and hold my head up high. Maybe I am overweight, have frizzy hair, live in a tiny house and never seem to have a clean pair of matching socks, but my children are beautiful. And so is my life.
